"Everybody gets them. Champions use them"

Overcoming Fear Article

A friend of mine shared this LINK with me. It is to a blog named "Horse Junkies United". They have some wonderful articles on their site, one of which I want to share with you.

It's a  great article about overcoming rider fear.

I have made great strides in overcoming my AOF, (Adult Onset Fear) but it still rears it's ugly head once in a while. I have such compassion for other people who struggle with this. I keep thinking I will write some sort of a mini series of my own articles about the things that have helped me gain my confidence back. I may get around to it... someday! Until then, I hope this helps somebody out!

I have copied this article in it's entirety and included all of the links in the original article. I hope that's kosher! I want to spread the word about Sommer and Horse Junkies United.

Sommer Christie is a certified Mental Performance Consultant from Ottawa, currently finishing her PhD in Sport Psychology. She will contributing to HJU in the following weeks to help you on the Journey to Improve Your Performance. Her article today is about rider fear and it was inspired by a thread on The Chronicle of the Horse. Thankyou Sommer for sharing these great tips and techniques!

From Sommer:

Before digging into this topic I want you know that one of the most common issues that I deal with when working with riders is fear – so take a deep breath and know that you are NOT alone!

Equestrian sport is extremely high risk and offers plenty of opportunities for fear to develop, in riders of all ages and abilities. Although injury tends to be one of the greatest factors leading to fear in riders; fear of competition, fear of failure or even the fear other people watching can be just as debilitating to performance.

Fear can be paralyzing, both physically and mentally. In fact, fear of injury or re-injury may elicit a cycle of psychological (e.g., decreased self-confidence and concentration) and physiological (e.g., increased muscle tension and over-activation) effects that can result in decreased perform-ance (Nideffer, 1993). Although fear can be a major factor in your performance, it does not have to be.

Listed below are a few tips that should help you reflect on your fear and set goals in place to overcome it.

Tips for working with fear:

1.    NORMALIZE

• Accept your anxieties as normal – it is normal to experience fear.

•  Talk to your coach. Often, we are fearful of what the coach might think, yet, they can actually help us overcome the fear if they know about it.

• Coaches should try to be open with riders. Riders may not talk about fear (hide it) because they are afraid it may be interpreted as a weakness, or feel that they are the only one’s experiencing it.

2.    IDENTIFY YOUR FEAR

• What are you fearful of? Be as specific as possible (e.g., what exact skill or action causes my fear). For example, are you afraid of falling all of the time or are you afraid of falling when the jump is at a specific height.

• What does this fear make you do (e.g., tense up, lose focus, stop training)?

• Does this fear help your performance or hurt it? What is this fear preventing you from doing?

• Should you be this fearful?

3.    ADJUST

• Adjust your goals to target specifically what you are afraid of.

• Accept that you may have to slow down and take a few steps back.

• Set small goals that are achievable.

• Be specific and define clear actions that you will take.

•  Make sure that your goals are progressive and ensure successful attempts.

• Build confidence by mastering the small steps before you move on.

•   Be proud of your accomplishments, even if they are small.

   If you are injured

•  Talk to your therapist – educate yourself on the nature of the injury, treatment options, phases of treatment and the expected challenges along the way.

•   Become an active member in your rehabilitation – set goals and work towards achieving them.

• Find support – seek out other riders who have gone through similar experiences and ask them how they coped with and came back from injury or fear.

• Maintain your athletic identity throughout process – Coaches can support this process by giving injured riders roles and keeping them involved.

4.    PRACTICE mental skills techniques

• Relaxed breathing – Use slow abdominal breathing to relax yourself and your horse.

• Body scan – While you are breathing slowly, do a quick scan of the important muscles in your body (e.g., legs, arms, neck, jaw) to see if you are tense. If you are holding tension anywhere, try to let it go with a few deep breaths.

•   Thought stopping – If you are thinking negative thoughts (i.e., If you are anticipating falling), stop! Say “stop” out loud or to yourself and then change your thought to something more positive.

• Positive self-affirmations and self-talk – Stay positive with yourself and your horse. Negative self-talk should be stopped and then replaced with positive self-talk (i.e., “We are ready, and we can do this”), as well as positive, relaxed confident actions.

• Imagery – Use imagery to visualize yourself successfully accomplishing what you are afraid of. If you see yourself making a mistake or failing, stop and start again with a more positive focus.

• Simulation – Simulation training involves putting yourself and your horse gradually into more and more challenging situations until you are doing exactly what you are afraid of.

5.    PERSIST AND HAVE FUN

• Focus on the process (the small steps)

• Stay positive

• Have confidence in your plan

• Be patient

• Do not focus on obstacles, focus on solutions

• Believe in yourself

• Enjoy yourself

I sincerely hope that these tips help you on your path to eliminating fear and bringing back the joy in your riding once again.

Good luck implementing these skills and feel free to ask more questions in the comments!!

Sommer

If you wish to work with Sommer Christie on an individual basis, you can send her email or phone             613-407-7669      .
To learn more about Sommer, visit her website.

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The Beginnings of AOF

When I was a kid I had no fear. I rode whatever people would let me climb aboard, including sitting two horses for the first time. I remember being bucked off by one and landing on a car hood. I thought it was great fun!

I had two horses, one I did quite well on at the state level in 4H with my horse "Babe". The second, "Spooky," I started and was soon riding around town on by myself. Then my parents sold my horses (out from under me) and I took a 20+ year break. College and a family and a non horsey husband were my new life. I never dreamed I would ever have a horse again.

My husband bought me my first horses 6 years ago.

Five years ago I took a nasty fall at a canter when my mare ducked out from under me. It was in an arena setting. I hit my head hard and messed up my back. It started a very deep root of AOF in me.

Funny thing is in the last 5 years I have successfully started 5 different horses. I have had to pass each one off once we got to the canter stage. Isn't it crazy to not be afraid to back all of those greenies for the first time, yet still have serious AOF about cantering? But I did.

It took me a year or so to canter again on Delight and even then I had to talk myself into it and I rode stiff and grabbing her mouth. She actually used to "pop the trunk" on me quite often at a canter while my Tom and kids rode her with no problems. I know that I was causing her bucking by asking her to go with my legs and holding her back with my hands, but I couldn't do anything about it!

Since then I have been riding several horses for Blue Note Arabians, done two endurance rides and been to several shows. I still deal with AOF sometimes, but I have made tremendous strides against it.

I am hoping to share some tips here on how I am overcoming this monster with the hopes it will help someone else. Maybe someone else will grow in confidence to beat It too.

Catching Up - Part Three

I also need to share a bit of a speed bump that I had last week.

I was trying for my second canter last week on Tacki and I fell off.

It was the first time for a "real" fall for me in 5 years or so. (I have fallen off bareback a couple of times just fooling around). I was stiff for a couple of days, but I survived.

As I was cantering Tacki she ducked her shoulder to the inside. I over compensated and it just got worse from there. I finally decided to bail off but by then it was too late, I already was "falling with style" as Woody said to Buzz Lightyear.


It was NOT Tacki's fault. She doesn't have a mean bone in her body and didn't buck, I just lost control of her shoulder wasn't able to think fast enough to fix it. I hate it so much that I "grab" when I get scared... it is just the opposite of what I need to do.

What's ironic is that my last fall 5 years ago was nearly the exact same event. Delight ducked her shoulder ( out that time) and I fell off hard like a sack of potatoes. Delight was definitely being dishonest. I was really lucky. I wasn't wearing a helmet and I did hit my head. I also hurt my back badly that time.

The difference this time is that I knew what was happening even as it was happening, I just couldn't get my body to work right fast enough. The first time I fell it took me YEARS before I understood what happened.

So I guess I need to work some more on shoulder control, eh?

I did get back on and cantered both directions. Tacki is a very forgiving mare. She really is a wonderful horse.

One of the best things that came out of this is that my AOF did not kick in this time. I think I must really be making some progress against that Monster!

AOF - Nada. Me - Three Million!

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Catching Up - Part Two

Not of me, but of how I feel!

I went to the second jumping show yesterday. I was worried again, but this time for different reasons; "What if my wins last month were a fluke? What if I fall off? My goodness, I haven't ridden Delight in the English saddle in a month!" Worrying is my specialty it seems.

In the weeks before the show I had been teasing Sandra, who planned to ride Sam, about riding against "The Champion of the World," and that she needed to "Be Very Afraid." I didn't really expect to duplicate my wins of last month so I talked a lot of friendly "smack" with her. Sandra is my endurance riding buddy. In the summer we spend a lot of saddle time together and I enjoy riding with her very much. This winter we haven't been able to ride together much and so I was looking forward to spending the day with her almost as much as I was the show itself.

My husband Tom came along with us, so I had several of my best friends there: Lyn, Nancy, Pat and Sandra. I am so grateful and blessed with my circle of friends.

This time the jumps had numbers on them so learning the course was much easier! I didn't need the help of my little bitty pony girl to figure it out. I saw her pony there but he had a different rider on his back. Maybe she was her big sister.

I was a little later getting into the arena this time for warm ups. There were also nearly twice as many entries into this show so warm ups were quite chaotic. It was hard to get Tacki to settle in and drop her head. One of the areas Tacki is the greenest is in playing off of the emotions of the other horses. It's one of the biggest reasons I wanted to take her to these shows. She is a forward little horse and if another horse is cantering she thinks that the race is on! I am sure my hands were too high and my seat too forward, but I tried to work on them.

I worked Tacki for 1/2 hour and then I rode Delight into the arena. She was buddy sour, screaming and nearly bucking. Between hoping I could sit the English saddle that I was riding in and trying to keep her from darting out the gate every time we passed it, I was smiling at my little red dragon. Delight also picks up on the energy of the horses around and she thought she should gallop around like they were. I know my hands were high and I was quick to grab her, but again I concentrated hard to get us both settled.

Delight and I were first up. I could never get her into a nice even working trot in my training round nor my actual round. I knew we were too fast so I actually brought her down to a walk over the last "fence" both times. The first round we were 6 seconds off the pace and the second time we were only 3 seconds off.

Tacki had settled down quite a bit before my rounds on her. She always does better out there alone. There is something about this little mare that I love - actually there are many things I love about her- she really tunes in to her rider and tries very hard to trust when she is afraid. When we are both focused it is a wonderful feeling. On our training round she nearly refused one "jump" but I think it was my fault. We were coming around a tight circle and I didn't get her straight and focused on time. We were 4 seconds off the pace. The second time was very nice and we were only ONE second off of the pace!

Then Sandra rode Sam for his two rounds. During the warm up time Sam had been a little bit of a handful. Sandra is a great rider and she handled him beautifully. Sam's tail was flying. He was so lovely! Their training round was only off by 6 seconds. Their second round was better and only off of the optimum time by ONE second!

So, once again I took first AND second place! And, Sandra shared first place with me! I could not have dreamed up a better outcome! Congratulations Sandra, "Wee Ha!"

There were 16 rounds, twice as many as the last show.

Maybe I am learning to ride these horses after all? What a nice boost to my confidence. This is the second time in my adult life that I have won a ribbon riding horses. It has been beyond my biggest hopes and dreams.

The best part?

AOF - Zip. Me - Two Million!

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Some Catching Up to Do - Part One

No, it's not me. Just a lovely picture. In fact, I don't jump. My classes at the jumping show are over ground poles in between the standards.

I have a few things that I want to share, things I should have blogged here about as they were happening, but life got in the way.

I went to the Jumping show on the 18th, and won first AND second place! I took First on Tacki and Second on Delight.

I have never tried anything like this. I went because the series is a fundraiser for Nancy Roche and her horse Breezer so that they can go to some big horse shows this year. I took Tacki* because she is my green endurance prospect and I wanted to expose her to other horses, scary jumps etc. I took Delight because she is mine and I love her. ♥

My goals were to remember the course, and to not have any refusals. Oh, and staying on the horse was a goal too! The first time they blew the start whistle it spooked Tacki and she almost fell down right underneath me. Everyone laughed, including me.

One thing I loved was that while I was having to remember all that stuff the Fear Monster was pushed right out of my brain. In fact, trying to remember everything turned out to be an unexpected bonus. "Which is the next jump? Stay straight, keep the horse soft, keep the working trot pace, and oh yeah, 'Which one is the next jump?' " I was focusing so hard there was no room left over for fear in my brain. I felt like I was riding like I did as a kid. It was a wonderful, powerful feeling.

There was a little bitty girl on a little bitty grey pony who helped me learn the course. She was the cutest thing. Her mom was trying to explain to me the mysterious symbols on the jump map and she suggested that her daughter lead me through the course. She was so proud to be helping a grownup! I gave her my second place prize, which was a bag of yummy candy! She was in another class, so I didn't see how she did.

So, I was not expecting to place, let alone win! I was one second off of the optimal time with Tacki and 4 second off with Delight. There were eight rides in the competition.

AOF - Zero, Me - One Million!


*Tacki (and Sam) belong to Lyn Kinney of Blue Note Arabians. Sandra and I are conditioning them for Endurance this summer.

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A Breakthrough!

On Friday I had a wonderful breakthrough!

I cantered Tacki both directions in the indoor arena. I was a little scared, but not uncontrollably so. I know I will be able to canter her whenever I want to now. I can't wait to canter her again! What a wonderful feeling to have after suffering years of fear.

Most of Tacki's training has been at the walk and trot. I have cantered her up hills, and a teeny bit out on the trail. He original trainer has started her in a canter, but Tacki is still green and unbalanced.

Since Tacki has had only a little bit of canter work my ride was all head up and hollow back, me with elbows flying at first. I was worried that I was getting in her way up front so I pretty much dropped the reins and tried to steer with my legs a la Clinton Anderson's passenger lesson. I wanted to make sure I didn't get in the way of her "forward". It was really hard to trust her, as she is so green. But we did it!

AOF, Take that!

Pushing Forward

I finally cantered on Sam yesterday! Yeah it was on the longe and it was awkward unbalanced, clutching, tense, insert all the appropriate adjectives here... but I did it!

I have a hella time staying over my inside leg at the canter and Sam is one of those horses you have to direct every body part or he will trip over himself and fall over. (Well, not really, but he is still very unbalanced.) He also is very lazy and has to be kicked up to stay round and engaged even at the slower gaits. Nancy said I looked great so I must have done something right in there somewhere. Next step is to do this off the longe. It won't be long! Stay tuned for updates next week!

Here is a nice picture of Me riding Tacki and Sandra riding Sam.
We were doing some desensitizing work on this day...

I have decided to take Tacki and Delight to a Jumping Show on Sat. It is a winter series put on by my trainer Nancy. NO I WON'T BE JUMPING! In fact will be riding in my tacky cordura western saddle. My Sexy Breeches should make things all better right?? Ha ha.

At the show the rounds are all timed and there is a certain target time put on each level. The goal is to finish in that amount of time with no faults. I will be in the class where you ride your horse through the course with all the rails down. There will be ground poles to ride over in each jump. I am taking Tacki for experience and Delight so that I will have one horse that I won't fall off of in front of everybody. Neither of them has even ever SEEN a jump course.

I know I am probably asking for trouble, but it should be fun and maybe another blow to my AOF. Sara Mittleider's parents will be there with some horses (Google her!) No I will not be intimidated at all... I will just enjoy being in their presence... I will enjoy... I will enjoy... and be in awe :)

Wed Dec 8, 2010

Well, today is training day. I will be riding Sam and Tacki the two little black Arabs. I didn't sleep well and I don't have cream for my coffee so I am starting a little slow. I need to shower and heat my soup to go into my thermos and head out.

I have cantered Tacki but only out on the trail, and I have yet to canter Sam despite being the one who started him 2 years ago. Even though the arena is super little dark and spooky My plan is to "get over it" and canter them both in the indoors soon. This summer unless they sell I will be doing endurance rides on Tacki and hopefully Dressage test or two on Sam (and maybe Tacki though she is much farther behind in her training.)

Fuzzy Shows

Even though my heart is out on the trail this Spring I have been going to some "fat and fuzzy" horse shows.

I rarely take pictures because it is dark outside and dark in the indoor arena where they are held. A couple of my friends challenged me to actually take some pictures anyways.

So here's your proof girls:

This is right before the adult beginner showmanship class, which we won fair and square inspite of the fact that there was another person in the class. I am pretty sure we only won because Delight stood still-er than the other horse did. Don't tell Delight though... it might go to her head! First place was my favorite candy bar!


Delight won 2nd in the mares halter class - again I am pretty sure it is because she stood stiller than the 3rd place horse!

Here's proof that I really did tack up...

I had her all saddled up and ready to go and then they canceled my class! There weren't many adults at this show riding English.

Delight hollered the almost *whole* time so I got lots of training opportunities in the practice pen doing hips over, shoulders over, back up, sidepass, head down.... wash - rinse - repeat. It takes a lot to keep her little mind busy! Making myself focus on moving specific parts of Delight's body helped me to relax. It helped her too.

I used a bunch of my Julie Goodnight techniques which really helped, especially when I realized I hadn't shown in an English saddle since I was about 16! Yikes! And I hadn't ridden in a regular English saddle in months and months! (What was I thinking??)

So, while I didn't actually ride in a class, I did:

1. Tack up, ride in the warmup time (think 'mass chaos in a pickle jar'),
2. Sit for 30 min on my horse who was being a nutcase, and was able to calm both of us down!
   
3. I did all this calmly and without panicking and running back to the trailer to cower in terror.

Come on Spring. I am so ready to hit the trails!!

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Ride With Confidence!

So today I don't have any pictures of what Delight and I did today, but I sure wish I did! I won a major battle with my AOF* today.

Before I share, lets back up a week or so....

When I went to the Equine Affairs I was really excited to hear Julie Goodnight speak. She had a couple of seminars on rider fear. I really took to heart the things that she said, and even bought her book and CD. I felt like the things she had to say really helped me to intellectualize my fear and put it into perspective.

One of the things that really impacted me was an equation she shared:

FEAR + GRIEF =DEBILITATION

It was in relation to post traumatic fear. I was surprised to find that most of my fear fits the post traumatic category, even though I haven't ever had a terrible wreck on a horse. I do have some "suspects" though, which I will share later.



Here is an excerpt from Julie's book Ride With Confidence! :

"Sometimes a traumatic incident in other areas of your life may lead to an increased fear around horses... Characteristic of post traumatic fear is a sense of loss and a high degree of frustration. A sense of grief can compound the feeling that you have lost something you once had, something very dear to you:the ability to ride unencumbered by fear. Sometimes people even fear that they have lost their riding ability and no longer have the skills they once had. " page 19

These words were written about me! I have been so frustrated by my fear of cantering. I know that I am not and never will be the worlds greatest rider. But, I used to have a halfway decent seat and I used to ride without fear. Riding horses used to be one of the things I thought that I was good at... Sometimes when I have climbed on the horses that I have started in the last couple of years I have been so afraid. I have always "done it anyway," but sometimes it wasn't too much fun.

"FEAR+ GRIEF =DEBILITATION This means that you can not deal with both of these emotions at once; it is simply too much for a person to handle. If you are suffering from this sense of loss and frustration in addition to your fear of horses, thinking that you no longer have the ability you once had before your injury, you must set aside your grief and deal with the fear first. You must have faith in the fact that you still have the same skill and ability that you had before your injury. You still have the same knowledge and skill with horses, you have just temporarily misplaced it. Once you have regained your confidence, you will ride like the wind again." page20

When I was able to identify grief as part of my AOF equation it was like a light bulb went off in my head! One of the things that I grieve is the loss of the 20 some years without horses. Even though I know that horses wouldn't have fit into my life for most of that time, I still often think to myself, "I need to enjoy every moment of this day with this horse... I don't have a lot of years left to enjoy them..."

Wow... that's a lot of pressure!

The other part of grief that I recognized was the loss of my first horse. My parents sold her right after I earned 6th place at the State Fair and had just completed the County Fair. They didn't tell me about it until the last day of the fair when my horse was loaded into some other girl's trailer to go home. Her loss makes me sad even just thinking about it now, 20 some years later. She was my world as a teenager.

So I have spent some time working through my grief in the last week or so. Acknowledging it, feeling it, moving past it. I know that it will pop up again as grief is wont to do, but I have decided not to try to bury it any more.

And today I reaped the first benefits of that hard work! I cantered on Delight! I have cantered her before, even hand galloped her. But today was different. I feel like something has broken free. I felt relaxed. I felt my seat moving with Delight. My head was clear. We did flying lead changes. It felt like my "feel" for the canter came back! My hands and feet and muscles were moving without direction from me. It was a huge breakthrough.

"You still have the same knowledge and skill with horses, you have just temporarily misplaced it."

Yes I have!


*Adult Onset Fear

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Horse Affairs 2009

I took several photos today with my cell phone at the Horse Affairs that I thought I would share.

9 month old Gypsy Vanner colts. Only 7500.00!

Cody with Richard Shrake

One of the most exciting things that happened was that Cody and I had several minutes with Richard Shrake before the Horse Affairs even opened. We were just walking down the aisle, and I was wearing an exhibitors badge (I was helping with the Arabian horse exhibit) and it caught Richard's attention. We stood and talked to him for a long time and Cody shared about starting and training his horse Speedy. Richard shared some of his first training memories, from when he was about Cody's age.

Later Cody and I attended some of his seminars and Richard kept talking to Cody. "Cody do you hear I am saying? Do you understand what I mean Cody? You have to...." He was very grandfatherly to him! He signed a book for him saying, "See you in the winner's circle Cody." What a nice guy.

I introduced myself to Julie Goodnight before the show opened too. I was so surprised to see her there and not a crew setting up for her that my mind went blank. I meant to tell her a few ways that her show had encouraged and helped me... but all I could stammer out was, "Hi Julie, I love your show. Welcome to Boise."

I felt like a pimply teen aged boy trying to ask his first crush to the dance. Gah.

I did shake her hand, however. I don't think I will ever wash it again.

Julie Goodnight teaches about Horse Psychology

Here's a candid cell cam pic of Stacy Westfall. I choked so badly when I introduced myself to Julie Goodnight that I didn't even speak to Stacy. I hope tomorrow before the show opens I have the nerve. I need one of my B(r)itches friends to egg me on I guess...

StacyWestfall

Here Cody points out some really cool longhorn horns for his Dad. I had my eyes fixed on the chinks below the horns. Wow I really want a pair of those!


And last but not least, (although probably the smallest), there was a baby service monkey being cared for in the booth across the way from the Arabian horse booth where we were.

As a rule I don't like monkeys, but this tot was so very, very cute!

What are those beady little eyes planning?

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Goals Part One

Figure, the Justin Morgan horse. The one who started it all...

So I have been thinking about some goals I would like to have for this year. Yes I know it is February already, but the sun is finally coming out, and so am I ... well sort of.

I have signed up fo the Morgan Horse Pathways program. I will be keeping track of the hours I spend riding and training Delight and Star. The first award starts at 75 hours. I think I can do that this summer, right? I hope the first award is a Tshirt... I have a feeling it will be a teeny tiny little lapel pin.

In order to join this program and win my prize: I had to register as a member $70, pay to enter the Pathways program $45, and work my butt off for a pin or a t-shirt worth less than 15 bucks.

Priceless.


The hours are cumulative and roll over from year to year, which is great but there is one catch - I have to be a member every year at 70 dollars a pop. Doesn't seem quite fair does it? I won't be breeding or showing at any rated shows, so there isn't really any reason for me to pay all of that money. Lessee that is...... 70/12 = ..... Five dollars and 83 cents a month.

I think I can afford that for a little bitty pin! Or maybe one of these:


I have a couple of other goals in mind too. I probably won't get any prizes for these goals, unless I buy a prize for myself, which is always a possibility!

So here they are. I am going to post them so that in the middle of the summer when I am being a big fat baby chicken I can look back and be inspired.

1) Get Star going well under saddle
2)Lope lope lope on Delight get over my fear of loping
a)continue with lessons
3)Get Delight (and myself) fit and go on a BIG trail ride, or CTR or whatever
4)Concentrate on learning to ride with my seat and with my feet
a)lessons!
5)Earn at least the first Morgan Pathways program's first award.

And always remember......

Another milestone for me

This weekend I threw some English tack on Delight and went for a ride. Last time I rode English was oh... well, lets just say over a quarter of a century ago!

All the riding I have been doing has been helping my balance. It was really fun, and just as comfortable as I remember it was. I really like all of the leg contact. Delight isn't used to that much leg, so she thought I was wanting to "go". I love my Lil Red Sports Car!

I know there is a lot "crooked' in this pic, but I just had to have a picture to remember this ride!

Flying Again

Yesterday I remembered how to fly.

At my last riding lesson I cantered a little bit, but not much. My usual canter consists of about 100 yards or about one lap around the arena. By that time I am usually so tense that I start bouncing all out of sync with my horse and have to stop or I will come right off. A few years ago I had a wreck while I was cantering. As much as I know that the fear is all in my head, it is almost impossible for me to just relax and canter.

I made the mistake of telling my trainer that I wanted to get over this fear.

So yesterday she had me trotting. And trotting. And trotting. Over cavaletti, in figure eights, while leg yielding, around and across the arena I trotted. I tend to drop my head and shoulder in when I go around a curve, kinda like you do when you are riding a motorcycle. I have been really working on it, but when I am scared I do it without thinking. I must have been nervous because I could not keep my shoulder up. So I trotted some more.

“Do it again”, “And again”, “You dropped your shoulder”, “Watch your head, you’re tilting it in again”.

She must have gotten tired of reminding me.

Finally it was time.

“Okay, lets canter.”

So I cantered, and cantered…and cantered. I was so tense my shoulders started to ache, so I cantered some more. When I changed directions I had a flashback of my wreck, so… I cantered some more.

Finally my mind cleared and I started to relax.

“Slow her down Char.”

I didn’t even realize I was going fast.

Now, understand that Delight doesn’t have a “slow down”. I had to really concentrate on asking her to slow and keeping her going at the same time. No more room in my brain for fear… pick up the reins, squeeze with the legs, push her with your seat, don’t lean in around the corner…

Suddenly I was flying! I was free! No fear! My muscles were remembering what I taught them 25 years ago! How exhilarating!

Afterwards I gave Delight the full spa treatment. I brushed her mane, tail, everything. She did such a great job teaching me how to ride again. I love my Lil’ Red Sports Car!

I think my trainer earned her keep too.

Here is a picture of Delight and I riding into the horizon last summer. I agree with whoever it was that said, "The world looks best when framed by my horses ears."

AOF

AOF is an acronym that some fellow internet posters and I have coined. It stands for "Adult Onset Fear." Mostly we use it to describe the fear that rises up the gut which keeps us from doing the things with horses that as younger people we wouldn't have given a second thought to doing. These things are not necessarily dangerous - well not anymore than the danger which is inherent in working/riding/being around a 1000 lb animal. They include, but are not limited to walking, trotting, and cantering.

I suppose AOF isn't limited just to aging equine addicts. There are lots of things that as a 40 something person I would not try that 10 years ago I would have jumped at the chance to try. For instance, when I turned 30 I really wanted to jump out of an airplane. Now, even the thought of leaving an airworthy vessel and trusting my life to a sheet of nylon just gives me the willeys. Shudder. I have always wanted to get a tattoo. That desire seems to be fading somewhat. I keep telling myself that it is because I can't find a design that I like, but inside I know the truth - it is getting more scary to take the risk. After all, what if my metal allergy kicks in and I wind up with a big sore messy scar?

I feel like I should start a support group. At the beginning of every meeting we could all stand up and say:

"Hi my name is ... (Char) and I suffer from Equine Adult Onset Fear."

Then we could all sit around and commiserate (read: bitch), smoke a bunch of cigarettes and drink coffee. Oh wait, that's already been done by another group. I think cheese and crackers along with some nice chilled wine would do the trick. I have also heard that rum and coke settle the nerves quite nicely as well.

I know that I could easily round up other gals with the same condition. In fact, I'm sure that if I could figure out how to combat this affectation I could write a book, go on tour, and make my millions. Maybe I could even help somebody. You never know, it could happen.

As I go along in this blog I want to share some thoughts about the origins of and battle to overcome AOF in my life.

In the meantime, here is a picture of me trying NOT to be afraid at my first show riding Sam:

I just realized I haven't introduced Sam.... I'll do that soon. And no, I am not pregnant, I just look that way. One of the wicked things AOF whispers into my ear is that I am too fat to ride.

Well, I ain't getting any thinner (or younger) just sitting around, right?